I really don’t like words or expressions that are dedicated to one gender: slut, stud, tramp etc. There’s one word that in particularly gets my fire burning, the word ‘provocative’. This word is dedicated to women! Almost exclusively! Yes, you might hear it called to a man, but somehow it has a different vibe.
When said on a man, even a gay man, it feels to me that it refers to what he says or how he thinks, it feels political, social or even artistic. Depends who is the listener, but when said on a man it might even sound positive. He provoked something in you.
When said on a woman, personally the first thing I hear is how she dresses or how sexual she is and almost always, it is a way of judgment.
There is also a difference of meaning when a man says it, or a woman. When a man calls a woman provocative it is often because he is not comfortable with being attracted to that woman, so he blames it on her. She might be very young or someone else’s wife, maybe he is married, so instead of saying I am attracted to her (when maybe I shouldn’t), he says – she is provocative.
When a woman calls another woman provocative, that’s when I truly get upset. This post is dedicated to anyone who was ever called that, as well as anyone who ever said it about another woman.
When a woman calls another woman provocative, it is often because the woman who called (woman A) it is not comfortable with her sexuality and the woman being called is (woman B). at least that’s what she represents to the caller, who most likely does not feel sexy, or is not comfortable being sexy. And so woman A instead of admitting or being aware of her own blocks, she will try to level the field by putting woman B down and judging how free she is with her sexuality.
Being sexy is who we are, not what we do!
This post is inspired by an amazing evening a had many years ago with a woman I just met once. We were in the presence of our mutual friend, she was just coming over and I was just leaving, We talked for a short hour and just when I was about to leave we realized she knows my cousin. Well, she said some nice things about my cousin as well as some harsh things and honestly, she nailed it! she really got her and analyzed her pretty accurately (my cousin is an interesting and beautiful woman) but then she said something I could not stay calm about, she said the following: ‘the only thing I really don’t like about her is that she dresses so provocatively’.
I got pissed and then told her everything I just told you, I said how it is a gendered word and that it is not ok, I said that she is probably not comfortable with her own sexuality and that is why sexy girls like my cousin, really get on her nerves. I said instead of trying to put down girls who are free and calling them names, maybe she should try bringing herself up and getting comfortable with how sexy she is. (she is!)
She started expressing more and more anger towards women who are trying to get places with their sexuality, she kept saying that it is so wrong to use our bodies and sensuality in that way. We had a serious and emotional argument. The core of this respected fight was: she was saying a sexy woman was just doing it to get something out of it and me… well… I was pretty furious, trying to collect my head which was blown away by what I was hearing! Then suddenly the debate took a turn when I asked her this –
Do you suffer from some kind of a sex disease ???
The talk got really interesting. The answer was yes!!! she didn’t know why or how I would guess it. As soon as I asked it, her hands involuntary moved to her crotch, her shoulders lifted close to her ears and her eyes were, well..shocked.
‘Why would you know this?’ she asked me with the sweetest eyes of a 10-year-old. My heart was softened in a second. I told her that I hear so much guilt and shame around this topic of sexuality and so I wondered if all this negative energy made her body develop some type of dis-ease in the area.
I am forever grateful because this evening with that gorgeous woman had taught me so much and I am truly honored that even after our argument, she found it ok to be so open with me. She shared her story beautifully.
She told me that she developed at an early age, by the time she was 12 she looked like a full grown woman. Men started treating her differently, but being the young kid that she still was, she didn’t know what it meant and so she acted the same as before the change occurred. Until one day she realizes what she was ‘putting out there’, she was not aware of how much sex vibe she was transmitting and once she did, she completely changed her ways. She started walking differently, dressing differently, talking to guys differently. She became very shy, she tried to cover her big breast and her sexuality went from 100 to 10, only in one month.
I caught her in her own words – she said she ‘didn’t know what she was putting out there’, meaning she wasn’t trying to be sexy, she just was! What she was trying is later to not be. Her natural state was sensual and only when she realized what kind of effect it has on others, she changed her behavior.
Suddenly I found myself in a beautiful conversation with 2 intelligent women, about how to be as sexy as we are and master how it affects others. This is a whole big topic for another post. I felt really fortunate to be a part of this talk, I learned so very much! Thank you, ladies.
So now you ask what is all this have to do with sex-related diseases. Well, the answer is in the story. Guilt and shame create illness. Dis-ease!
Did you notice that so many STDs are transmitted by men but not affected by them?! Isn’t that a wonder! The way I see it, it’s because men have less guilt and shame in the subject. Science might give us an explanation of how that happens, but science does not create the world, just explains it. What creates our world is the energy we produce with our words, thoughts, fears, loves and the imbalance there is in our world between men and women, in the subject of sexuality, will be expressed in our physical reality. In this case, mostly its women who suffer from diseases, while men only transmit them.
When men do suffer from the effect of an STD, it is often when they also have this guilt. If you have sex with someone while feeling guilty about it, you might develop an illness. Yes, guilt is so very powerful!
I was fortunate to live in a few different countries, in fact, a few different continents and I find that the closer a certain society is to religion, the more guilt there is among women, around the subject of sexuality, even among the non-religious women. It comes from our mothers, it comes from the men of that society, the media, and the education.
We must be stronger than that, educate our men, but first educate ourselves.
So if you suffer from such disease, ask yourself if you hold any harsh emotions towards your sexuality. Are you embarrassed by something you’ve done? Do you feel guilty about something? are you truly free to express yourself? You might find that those diseases are easily gone, once your attitude change towards these issues.
Your sensuality and sexuality is not a tool for you to get anything, it is not to be a source of blame, shame, and guilt, as religion makes us believe. it is yours, you are born with it and you are free to enjoy it.
I wish to never ever hear again, a woman calls another woman ‘provocative’
Love to all you sexy creatures.