You are an intelligent person, you have great friends and you are a hard worker, in general life is good. But it always seems that the good things come with a big price, a hard road and often takes long time. The things you search for like your dream apartment, spouse, workplace etc always take so much work and heart ache until found. You might look at other people that have a different experience and say ‘they are just lucky’.
When we wish for something, it is for something that in the present time is out of our reach, Which means some kind of a change needs to take place, for that wish to become real and so the road begins.
Some people get what they wish for easy, quick, fun. They hop lightly from one chapter to another and don’t seem to be upset about the journey. in general they don’t experience much blood, sweat and tears. Are they just lucky? What do these people know that the rest don’t?!
Hard road means hard beliefs
If i had to guess i would say that the majority of people believe good things come hard, The core of every hard road person, is a deep believe that if something comes easy, it is simply not for them. If I haven’t worked, sweat and shed tears for it, it’s not a worthy thing and I probably don’t want it. One might think that that’s the truth, that good things can not come light, but it is not the truth, just their way of perceiving life. We can see it in their relationships, as well as in the workplace, if a certain success came very easy, they might think its fake, it might feel temporary, they won’t trust it, they will even feel like they fooled the others and eventually lose all they received, since they don’t trust it, which will match their core believe – ‘Easy come easy go’.
But why would anyone believe they have to go through hardship in order to get something good?! The way i see it, it is a simple process that start early and affecting our everyday life.
What were you told?!
Did your parents ever tell you – ‘ you must work hard to get places’ ? did your teachers ever say ‘ no pain no gain’ ? did you ever hear ‘ things don’t change easy, it takes hard work’ ? what kind of people shaped you as a child? How about ‘good men don’t come often’ Or ‘you won’t find anyone better’ . Would you say that the people who shaped you, the village who raised you, are happy and confident people? Would you say they had a good life, the life of their dreams?
It is important to see those early role models for what they are, even if they are our closest family. I have a brother which is significantly older than me, until today he tells me ‘ you can’t always get what you want’ and i always thought ‘ but why not?’ why shouldn’t i get what i want ?! (if what i want doesn’t hurt anyone else) when referred to the things i wanted, i don’t mean a candy before dinner or skipping school, but the kind of things that made me who i am as a child and more as an adult.
Why should i get things i don’t want, when those things are for someone else who wants them and so everybody ALWAYS get what they want. This turned out well for me, but i could easily believe him as my smart old brother that he is and later keep things i want out of my reach, to echo with what i was told – i cant always get what i want! Until today it makes me smile, because sooner or later i realized that my brother feels that on his own reality, he doesn’t get what he wants and so trying to level the play-field, by making it my reality as well.
After we’ve been affected by our early influencers, as adults it’s a part of our belief system, the glasses through which we see the world. Did you ever find yourself thinking ‘I will have to work hard to get places’ ? did you ever find yourself saying ‘i paid my dues’ or ‘yes i have it but it wasn’t always a bed of roses?’ Why do people feel that if they will get something easy they might feel ashamed of it?
When it comes to choosing the easy or the hard path, I often hear issues with self worth as I listen to people, it means that they feel they deserve a reward only after they have suffered. they need to work hard in order to achieve success. If they are not stressed about work, they are stressed that they’re not stressed. These beliefs go deep into our self esteem and self love, which i will dedicate many post too. It expresses the trust we have on the world we live in.
Why should you get anything good if you didnt work for it first?
‘I’ve paid my dues’. When someone says that there is usually a good story and a but before that. ‘I live in a nice place now but – i’ve paid my dues’. ‘I have a great job now but – i’ve paid my dues.’ So why people love to hear a story that begins hard and has a happy ending? Why so many people like to point out that even though things are good they were not always easy?! I think the answer is divided in 2: 1.inspiration. Its seems more inspiring when someone came to the light from a dark place, because it gives hope for those ones still in the darkness. I agree! 2. Jealousy. If someone gets something good i might feel envy but once i hear about the hard road they’ve been through, i feel they deserve it more, in this case this is a wonderful post for them, because if they are jealous that might mean they are the ones who take the hard road. there are so many ways to inspire others, without a hard story. love is inspiring, bravery is inspiring, peace, generosity, freedom, livelihood, dedication, discipline and so much more.
The first thing we need to determine about ourselves, is how do we take the opposite sex (or the sex of our partners if we are gay) do we believe that ‘good women are hard to find’ ? some people need the feeling of chasing and yearning in order to feel attraction. If the person involved reply positively very soon or loves them too soon, they will feel turned off and possibly turn away and let go.
If our self worth is low, it might be difficult for us to believe that anyone amazing will be by our side. Our partners and the way we see them, are often a mirror to how we see ourselves. If we do end up being with someone we think highly of, it will need to be after the hard road of showing them who we are and how much they might need us. If someone thinks we are wonderful, while we dont, we will have trouble trusting it and will end up attracting someone we feel is not so great or take a long time of hardship to deserve someone good!
and so it goes on to our daily life and vibrate with every step we take, every word we say and it might block anything that comes easy. Yes! that is the result of this kind of thought pattern. It’s not that things don’t come easy, but when they do come we don’t trust it or maybe don’t even see them and they pass, only to maybe returned after a serious hardship.
Creating a ‘green light’ vibration.
I call it ‘green light’ because what it means to me is that you are free to drive. It is a yes. It’s a road that is open for you to move through and get somewhere else.
- Shake off the early influences that made you believe in the hard road, by understanding that this was their way and they instilled it in you, a child, as a way to comfort themselves for the hard road they have experienced, that’s the way they saw the world and thought its the right kind of education. This is a very liberating step and it has no blame involved whatsoever. This step is simply creating space between you and your beliefs, identifying these are not the reality, but are ways of thinking that were involuntary adopted by you, from someone of authority, that was also a child not long before you were.
- Adopt new influencers. Find people you know, or inspired by that sends an opposite message. It’s the friend that will tell you ‘ if it doesn’t come smooth, it’s probably not the right thing for you’ and ‘don’t be hard on yourself’. i truly believe that if i am meant to do something, the road will be full of green lights and it will happen quick. If i am not meant to do it, i will always clash in obstacles and find it hard. Surround yourself with people of a light nature and ask for their advice. there is a good chance that those people might annoy you at first, even make you feel shitty, but thats actually a good sign, it means they vibrate something you don’t.
- Trust the universe. Trust that if you do your best, things happen the way they should. These people who you consider lucky are most likely full of trust. They don’t push anything, but attract, they think they are in the right place, they believe good things happen to good people and quick, they believe that anything they want is out there to be found. Trust that the world is pro you and not against you.
- You deserve it. When people believe they need to experience hardship and only after receive something good, it is sometimes because they don’t believe they are good. Can you list what is good about you and what isn’t?! Can you recognize that you are a good person? This step is beautiful and practical, start doing small things that make you feel like a good person, it can be so small as paying someone a compliment, helping someone on the street, making space on the train for someone in need or be a better friend / parent / son / daughter. Self worth is a big issue and i hope to dedicate at least one post to this matter, but no doubt, small steps towards what you believe is good, will change the way you see yourself and along the way will help others .
- Gratitude. This goes back to the early note about about self worth. And this is a big one. Each time i experience hardship i feel my empathy is growing and it helps me understand others, but i don’t want to invite hardship just so i can relate better, i feel i have enough compassion for others, without a road full of red lights. And this is the key to this vibration, gratitude! gratitude! Gratitude! What gratitude means is not only that i am thankful for what i have but that I’m very aware that things can be different and so i am compassionate to the ones who don’t have it. This approach will vibrate light and will transcend an inspiring energy, It will recognize the hardship yet flourish in the ease. Gratitude is where ease and hardship meets, recognizing the hard while experiencing the easy.
- Challenges instead of problems. I don’t want to be a person that only does what’s easy, this is not what this post is about, surely many things involved a long and complex process, if you study to be a doctor there will be many hard moments, if you just had your 3rd baby, ‘easy’ is not the word that comes to mind. But the way we categorize what happens to us, will determine our experience. So instead of being someone who ‘has problems’ why don’t we be someone who ‘loves challenges’ , in both cases we describe a serious, complex process, one is fun and energizing, the other is heavy and depressing.
- The lie called ‘its hard’. Sometimes i hear people use this phrase and i always think to myself ‘what is that mean?’ ‘it is hard to find a good man’ it is hard to find a good apartment’ what exactly does that mean? Does it mean some effort or work? What it means really is that you do it without joy, you have worries or fear and you make it hard for you. Get rid of this lie expression, you might say instead ‘it might take some time’ or ‘I need to accomplish a few things before i have it’ or ‘it is challenging’ , but the word ‘hard’ is just your way of perceiving the process and by using it you only make it harder for yourself. no one believe this excuse, so simply take it out of your daily use.
I have listed below a few expressions that the two types of people often use.
Hard road people
I paid my dues
Good things come hard
Easy come easy go
It was too easy
It’s hard to..
Too good to be true
With my luck it will probably not happen
Easy road people
If it’s so hard its not it
It came to me so smooth
It’s like the universe wanted me to do it
Life is easy
I feel lucky
You don’t have to compromise
I wish for us all to remove any beliefs that makes our journey hard and complicated and adopt the kind of thought pattern that allows us to flow through the green light we deserve